phenoMental

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2009-02-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

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Aanandita Thomas
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Hi ,

I would like to invite you to my professional network on SiliconIndia. It allows us to invite trusted contacts and stay connected with ease.

Thanks,
Aanandita

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I have moved

2006-05-14T05:20:00.000-07:00

Due to numerological reasons I have moved my blog to Menongitis

Brien Damage

2006-04-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Derek teaches two students a new rule in math which says 15 + 24 = 49. The students don't know what hit them !!!

Click here for the video

If anyone wants a higher resolution video, message me.

Living Life

2006-03-08T00:25:00.000-08:00

Mickey (Rocky's future manager) : OK, I'm gonna tell ya! Cos you had
the talent to become a good fighter!
And instead of that,you became a leg-breaker to some cheap, second-rate loan shark!

Rocky : It's a livin'.

Mickey : It's a waste of life!

- From the movie Rocky

(This is just a placeholder for something bigger that I plan to write about how a lot of us are going through life simply making a living)

Mr. B.O.O.Z.E

2006-01-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

Booze, Mister Booze (Mister Booze), Mister Booze
Mister B double O, Z Eeee, (that sure spells booze),
You will wind up wearing tattered shoes if you mess with Mister Booze,
(Don't mess with Mister Booze, don't mess with Mister Booze.)
Don't mess with B, double o, Z, E, if you've been so simply occupied.
You'll feel better once you testify, (testify, testify)
[I want to testify, I want to testify]
Well, then cleanse yourself, my child, cleanse yourself.
Brothers and sisters, I happen to know this poor unfortunate soul,
And the fight she is waging against sin,
That old devil Booze has changed her
Into the unsightly person you see before you.
Give us your testimony, my child.
[Well, it all began with Johnny] (Yeah?)
[He said drink helped him stay alive] (Yeah?)
[Do you know how old he was when he died?] (No)
[He was twenty-five] (No. no)
[That's why I gotta come clean] (why?)
[Because I'm already seventeen]
Who's to blame? (Who's to blame?) What his name?
(We know his name, his name is.)
Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z, E,
Don't ever choose, any game you play with him, you lose,

If your head feels like it's two miles wide,
You'll feel better once you testify (testify, testify, testify)
[I want to testify, I want to testify]
Well, come forward, dear brother, come forward.
You see here, ladies and gentlemen, a man who just last year
Was the United States Olympic heavyweight wrestling champion,
Here he is, just a shadow of his former self, wasted in health, ravaged by sin.
Oh give us your testimony, dear brother.
[I was cruel and I was mean] he was mean!
[I was a no-gooder, pickpocket] (a no-good pickpocket)
[And then you see, sin got me in its clutches now] sin got him in his clutches,
[No. I said sin was not...] Oh, I didn't hear the first part
[And that's why I need forgiving] (Why?)
['Cause my hands shake so much now, I can't even make love]
That's a shame, (what a shame) who's to blame? (Who's to blame?)
(Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z., E. what's with you?)
(You'll make the office dupe a recluse, sister, if you dance with Mister Booze.)
(If you prince with tiffless, naughty guy,)
(You'll feel better when you testify, testify, oh yeah, testify, oh yeah, testify)
[I wanna testify. I wanna testify.]
Ah but you don't have to. [oh but I wanna] (oh let the bum testify!)
Okay, then put down that demijohn and come up forward here,
And let us lead you on the path of righteousness. Not long ago, brothers and sisters,
This helpless soul was the foremost brain surgeon in this grand and glorious country.
Success was smiling down upon him.
Now go ahead and tell us your story. Don't be shy.
[Let me tell. Let me tell. You see I use spirits for medicinal purposes only] (Yeah)
[I manufacture it for medicinal purposes only.] (yeah?)
[Then I started drinking what I manufactured till I drank myself]
[Out of a hell of a business for medicinal purposes only.] (That's right)
Now, alcohol makes a big man small and can lead to life of crime.
Drinking rum makes you skin-and-bone, and you cash in before your time.
Bootleg gin for your Mickey Finn till you don't even know your name.
You're a basket case right on your face, there's only one guy to blame.
(Oh Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z, E, don't ever queue,)
(Don't you wind up swearing platitudes if you're mad with Mister Booze)
(Oh, Mister Booze, Don't mess, mess with Mr. Booze.)
Don't mess with B, double O. Z, E, cause that spells booze.
And you gotta lose with Mi-ister Booze. (Oh Yeah).
Don't mess around with Mister Booze.
(Don't with Mister Booze, Don't with Mister Booze.)
(What's his name now, Oh Mister Booze),
(Don't mess with Mister Booze), Oh Mister Booze, (Don't mess with Mister Booze.)

- The Rat Pack, from 'Robin and The Seven Hoods'

I am Famous

2005-12-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

BILLionaire

2005-12-07T07:35:00.000-08:00

"One, two, three..."

-Narayana Murthy, testing the mike at a conference in New Delhi

"One billion, two billion, three billion..."

- Bill Gates, testing the mike at the same conference

Omar Akbar Anthony

2005-12-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

"This Amitabh Bachchan seems to be more popular than me in Egypt."

- Omar Sharif, during a visit to Egypt

The early bird gets worms (yech)

2005-11-29T07:49:00.000-08:00

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying
to find easier ways to do something."

- Robert Heinlein

A Perfect Ten

2005-10-25T01:09:00.000-07:00

"God is back"

- a journalist, after Sachin Tendulkar pats back a trademark on-drive for four

The Day The Earth Did Not Stand Still

2005-10-12T01:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Leaders of the World,

Don't you really resent the Tsunamis, the Katrinas and the 7.6s on the Richter Scale.

Heard someone commenting the other day about the recent earthquake, the lethal tsunami that levelled the land that two armies once pockmarked with pride. This person put the toll at about a thousand indians and about 30000 terrorists. A comment that I am sure many more 'proud' Indians would be making. A comment that would be equally callous even if each one of the dead had the blood of many on their hands.

Then I read in the newspapers and hear it on the news, the words of our leaders and our people - 1300 Indians dead. Duh! Am I missing something here? How is it that we take offence if a piece of paper shows PoK as disputed or part of Pakistan but do not recognise the people that inhabit the land as our own. Is it for that that we have been at loggerheads with Pakistan for more than half a century. An itsy bitsy piece of land. Mostly useless. Now more so.

This also made me reflect on a thought that struck me with equal force when the Tsunami snuffed out lakhs of lives. Squeezed in between the widespread coverage of the disaster were reports about five Israelis dead in Gaza or two and a half Americans injured in Baghdad. Pales into insignificance, doesn't it? It's as if nature's cocking a snook at the bin Ladens and the Bushes of the world and crowing, "Let's see you top that!".

This has been a year of disasters and perhaps when we look back at the year there will be very few who will be talking about war and terrorism. Wouldn't it be great if we never have to discuss 9/11, PoK, Baghdad or the West Bank at New Year's Eve? Ever!

Mithunda Rocks

2005-10-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

...and then there was this Georgian in the apartment lift who, on learning that we were Indians, broke into an impromptu jig while humming "Jimmy jimmy jimmy aaja..."

Serendipity

2005-10-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

There are some incidents that make you want to pull your hair out in frustration, and then there are those that simply warm the cockles of your heart. If these incidents are related and happen to you on the same day then they often stay with you for a lifetime.

The other day we had a run-in with the police on a traffic violation of driving on an invalid license. We were hauled up to the police station and had a case registered against us (Yes yes! There are people out there in this world who think a license is much more than a plastic card with your photo on it).

Well, there was this policeman who was writing out a statement for us. He was filling out some details from my friend's Indian passport and he writes for 'Place of Birth' - Sujangarh, Sri Lanka.

"It's India", said my friend.

This fellow writes India in brackets beside Sri Lanka.

"Not Sri Lanka. India !! Cut Sri Lanka", hollers my friend.

Contrast this with what happened when we were returning by taxi. I was on the phone with a friend, yakking away in Hindi. As soon as I finished the call I was amazed to hear "Chalo dildaar chalo, chaand ke paar chalo..." wafting out of the taxi's speakers. Just by listening to me speak the taxi driver had made out that we were from India.

Looking at my amazed expression he explains, "Mother India...big hit...dubbed into greek."

Apparently 'Mother India' was a huge success in Greece. How that is connected to a song from 'Pakeezah' I couldnt make out but I have to admit, the song never sounded sweeter to me as it did then.

Think Different

2005-10-04T05:05:00.000-07:00

Here's to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The trouble-makers.
The round heads in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.
But the only thing you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

- Apple Computers

Mostly Harmless !

2005-10-04T04:43:00.000-07:00

Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whiz;
As fast as it can go,
that's the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth;
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

- Monty Python

WWWhat's in a Name?

2005-10-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

Did the most stupid thing the other day. As they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

Was tinkering with blogger, trying to publish my blog to multiple URLs (to maximise the revenue potential $-) ). Tried publishing to http://phenomental.blogspot.com and it worked fine but then the earlier one http://the_pheno_menon.blogspot.com no longer had the blog and when i tried reverting back to it, Blogger apologised that it doesn't allow underscores in their URLs. Apparently there's been a change in policy since they first started handing out blog spaces.

Well that's that then, here I am in a new place in cyberspace. Wish moving houses were as easy.

The Big Picture

2005-09-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

Google Earth's eye from the sky reminded me of something I stumbled upon in Nicosia en route to Turkish Cyprus.

Yann Arthus Bertrand's open-air exhibition titled "The Earth from Above" is a stunning collection of 120 prints from more than 75 countries across the world with a common theme - all of them are shot from the sky!

Heart in Voh, New Caledonia

This and many other prints in the collection are a veritable treat for the eyes. Probably because the men in them are either invisble or too insignificant to mar the picture perfect beauty.

And then there are images like the one above of Mexico, which at first glance looks like a vibrant mosaic of latino colours but on closer inspection reveals a huge rubbish dump. Understandably this ruffled the feathers of quite a few Mexicans.

"Many Mexicans were disappointed that one of the main images I show of their country is that of a rubbish dump, when Mexico has one of the richest biodiversities in the world. But through this photo, I wanted to condemn the frenetic production of rubbish, which is common to the whole planet, and does not only concern Mexico."

Which is also why he's brought his exhibition to Nicosia, the last divided capital in the world.

For, as he says, from the sky he doesn't see any line dividing Nicosia.

Click here to view "The Earth from Above"

(All the above info has been collected from the net. We didn't stop for the exhibition as we were in a rush to get into Turkish Cyprus. We never made it into the Turkish north but then that's another story. Grist for another post.)

UoH from Above

2005-09-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

Google Earth just gets better and better. Along with the controversy surrounding Indian Military establishments being clearly visible on every PC screen across the world is the wonderful news that Hyderabad can now be seen with jaw dropping clarity.

So clear infact that I was happy to note that the flyover/runway/launchpad at Tank Bund finally managed to make it's ends meet.

It's all there. The Buddha Statue, Hitec City, TCS' Parliament style building, IIIT, ISB, the National Games Stadium..and voila! There's good old HCU. Nostalgia kicked in and the lack of work gave me the impetus to put up these snapshots. (Click on the pics for a bigger view)

The Entire Campus
(or at least the part that's inhabited. The whole looks like it can fit in a couple of stadiums more and an F1 race track to boot)

The Main Gate
Open Sesame!

Ad Block
I think I can see a bit of red tape sticking out.

Shop Com
Namaste! Reddy Garu.

Science Complex
There's a brainstorm developing somewhere.

Seminar Hall and Library
Blah blah...Zzzzzzz

SSB, AI Lab and Open Dais
Fun! Fun! Fun!

School of Management Studies
CEO Ahoy!

Open Dais
Arrrrreeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuu reaaaaddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Humanities and Folk Arts
Where Art thou?

Ladies Hostels
Fools rush in...

Men's Hostels
...where angels fear to tread!

Peacock Lake
Forget Peacocks where's the lake?

The Greatest

2005-09-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

Clay comes out to meet Liston.
And Liston starts to retreat.
If Liston starts to retreat any further
He'll end up in a ringside seat.
Clay swings with a left,
Clay swings with a right.
Look at young Cassius
Carry the fight.
Liston keeps backing
But there's not enough room.
It's a matter of time.
There, Clay lower the boom!
Now Clay swings with a right!
What a beautiful swing.
And the punch rises the bear
Clear out of the ring.
Liston is still rising,
And the ref wears a frown,
For he can't start counting
Till Sonny comes down.
Now Liston disappears from view,
The crowd is getting frantic,
But our radar stations have picked him up:
He's somewhere over the Atlantic.
Who would have thought
When they came to the fight
That they'd witness the launching
Of a human satellite?
Yes the crowd did not dream
When they laid down their money
That they would see
a total eclipse of the Sonny.

I am the greatest.

- Muhammad Ali, before his fight against Sonny Liston

Gilly Danda

2005-08-10T01:55:00.000-07:00

"I wouldn't nick it."

- Adam Gilchrist, when asked whether he would walk if Australia were two short of victory in the final Test with one wicket at hand.

pi losophy

2005-08-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

"What a terrible disease that must be if it could kill God in a man."

- Pi Patel, about Polio, in "Life of Pi"

The Good Old DDays

2005-07-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

Remember the good old days when the only use of the remote was to switch the TV on or off? When sunday evening prime time art movies were met with a groan instead of "Sony pe dekh. Shayad kuch achcha aa raha ho."
When wives and daughters accepted cricket matches with resignation instead of sparking World War III for "Kyonki Saas Bhi kabhi bahu thi."

Those good old Doordarshan days are like stuff shoved up into the attic and once in a while one stumbles across an old photograph, a cracked cricket bat or a 8th class english literature book and it brings a smile to your face.

Well, here are a few gems that i stumbled upon.

The audio of "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara"

The video clip of "Ek Chidiya Anek Chidiya"

The audio of "Baje Sargam Bankar Desh Raag"

Enjoy!!!

Rumble in the Jungle

2005-06-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

After a fierce fight - The Winner! The Greatest Of All Time!

phenoMenon says...

2005-06-27T05:41:00.000-07:00

There is such a thing as a free snack

phenoMenon says...

2005-06-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

The most enjoyable thing about work is not doing it.

Fool's Gold

2005-06-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

The Alchemist was a bit of a letdown.

Yes, I just read The Alchemist. Finally!

Was getting rather fed up people asking me increduously "You haven't read The Alchemist???" while I was busy going through the fishy reports of the man in havana, being retrenched by the pointy haired boss or peeking into the personal life of Iacocca.

Like i said, the Midas touch of the alchemist left me cold.

One of my nominations for the type of book that everyone wants to have read but no one wants to read.

Perhaps it's because my expectations were too high. Perhaps,like the Englishman, I too was looking for the Master Work.

Perhaps.

It begins pretty well with the wanderings of Santiago, the shepherd. The simple , uncomplicated lives of the sheep analogous to that of the baker gives you quite a lot of food for thought.

But then there enters into Santiago's life the feeling that is the single most driving force of human progress. Want. Necessity. Ambition. Lust. It's all the same.

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

(I want a million dollars. I am waiting.)

This refrain is the life blood of the novel. And to me , the deathknell.

The book requires you to have Belief, Faith. In Him. In Destiny.

I don't.

Hence my mind always parses 'Soul of the World', 'Omens','Listening to your Heart" to a four letter word. Crap.

Things can get pretty tedious if all that you can read over a hundred pages is Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

The book does have it's plus points though.

For one, it's got me interested in Alchemy. Where there is easy money I am always game.

Melchizedek, the King of Salem was an interesting character especially when a chink in his gold breastplate shows a brief flash of vanity.

Santiago's brief stint at the crystal shop appealed to my marketing instincts.

The ending was presented rather well.

And most importantly, I now have the right to exclaim "You haven't read The Alchemist???"

PS: I hope that when I hit back at "You haven't read The Life of Pi???", I will have a better experience.

2005-06-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38.
If business was as good as my aim, I'd be on Easy Street.
Instead, I've got an office on 49th Street
and a nasty relationship with a string of collection agents.
Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet.
I've got eight slugs in me.
One's lead, and the rest are bourbon.
The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver.
I'm a private eye.
Suddenly my door swung open,
and in walked trouble.
Brunette, as usual.

- Calvin as Tracer Bullet

Devil's Advocate

2005-06-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

Just got this email as a forward. It has a little story that rather effectively defends the God - Evil paradox. Of course, this too is based on the assumption that God exists in the first place. But let's leave that Big Argument out of this.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut
and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have
a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various
subjects. When they eventually touched on the
subject of God,

The barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?"
asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to
realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists, would there be so
many sick people?

Would there be abandoned children? If God existed,
there would be neither suffering nor pain.

I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of
these things."

The customer thought for a moment,
but didn't respond because he didn't want to
start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer
left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop,
he saw a man in the street with long, stringy,
dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty
and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered
the barber shop again and he said to the
barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.

"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on
you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed.

"Barbers don't exist because if they
did, there would be no people with dirty long hair
and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered
the barber. " What happens, is, people do not come to me. "

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the
point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens,
is, PEOPLE DON'T GO TO HIM AND DO NOT LOOK FOR HIM...
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in
the world."

This reminded me of a similar story that presents a logical defnce of the existense of evil.

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists?
A student bravely replied yes, he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked.
"Yes, sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil."
The student became quiet before such an answer.

The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody and every object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have too little heat.

The student continued. "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does".

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor. "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. "These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love, that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

An Ancient Egyptian Mystery Solved

2005-06-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

This is how the Egyptians built the pyramids.

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

2005-05-30T04:13:00.000-07:00

You say "either" and I say "eyther"
You say "neither" I say "nyther"
"Either" "eyher", "neither" "nyther"
Let's call the whole thing off
You say "potato," I say "patattah"
You say "tomato", I say "creole tomata"
Oh, let's call the whole thing off
Oh, if we call the whole thing off
Then we must part and oh
If we ever part, that would break my heart
So, I say "ursta" you say "oyster"
I'm not gonna stop eatin' urstas just cause you say oyster,
Oh, let's call the whole thing off
Oh, I say "pajamas", you say "pajamas"
Sugar, what's the problem?
Oh, for we know we need each other so
We'd better call the calling off off
So let's call it off, oh let's call it off
Oh, let's call it off, baby let's call it off
Sugar why don't we call it off,
I'm talking baby why call it off
Call it off
Let's call the whole thing off

- From the soundtrack of 'When Harry met Sally'

Small talk

2005-05-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

The little fellow tugged at my kurta.

I was at the Sphinx, trying to get a good angle with my digicam to highlight the ignominious broken nose of the mythical half-woman half-lion monster.

Another tug, this time accompanied by some of the most perfect English I have heard.

I was surprised. The little fellow was clearly Egyptian and not more than 10 years old. But his pronounciation and fluency could have shamed an adult.

"It's just 1 pound for 10 postcards", he repeated.

His wares did not interest me. We had been warned by our guide not to buy any picture postcards at Giza. We will get then much cheaper on the bus or at the port.

"No, Thanks. I don't need them", I said ruffling his unkempt hair.

"They are nice. Here, you can see them.". His diction was so good that it was hard to say which was out of place, his english or the rags that he wore.

"No, Thanks.", said I.

"Please. For me. It's just 1 pound for 10 postcards."

What's this fellow doing out here peddling pictures of mammoth mausoleums to insignificant specks like me. He should be out there in a cubicle helping out a customer with a stuck printer or a blocked bank account. Not that it is better work but atleast the moolah is good.

"Hey! where did u learn such good english?", I asked him.

"Please. For me. It's just 1 pound for 10 postcards.", said he.

"I don't need them. Your english is very good. Where did u learn it?", said I.

"They are nice. Here, you can see them.", said he.

"Where do u stay?", I asked him.

"Please. For me. It's just 1 pound for 10 postcards.", said he.

"Nil scio nec nescio", said I.

"They are nice. Here, you can see them.", said he.

"Cogito ergo sum. Veni, vidi, vici. Au revoir. Carpe diem.", said I.

"Please. For me. It's just 1 pound for 10 postcards.", said he.

The Thums Up Trophy

2005-04-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

I had just come out of the gym and was walking towards our car.

"Eyy Bhai!"

There are lots of Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans, Pakistanis and Indians over here in Cyprus. Quite a few of them study at the colleges here. Most of the others work as household help, at hotels or at petrol bunks. We code the whole day, which is not really an improvement on what the others do.

"Eyy Bhai!"

I turned around.

The guy standing on the opposite side of the road grinned at me.

"Pakistani?", he asked.

"No. Indian.", said I.

"Aahh. Indian! Good! Good!", he gave me a thumbs up.

"Aaj aap jeet rahey ho(You are winning today).", said I swinging an imaginary cricket bat in the air.

(Pakistan had scored 303/8 in 50 overs and India was 36/2 in 10 overs, Sachin and Sehwag back in the pavillion.)

"Good ! Good!", he said giving me a thumbs up.

"Ok. Bye.", said I.

"Bye. India! Good! Good!", said he thumb still high in the air.

I gave him a thumbs up too.

I walked towards the car pondering about how we have been at loggerheads with each other when we cannot differentiate the one from the other.

Duck Tales

2005-04-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

Converstaion between Ganguly and Inzy...

Ganguly : You guys dropped Sehwag so many times and he went on to score a century. Give me a few chances and then see what I can...

Inzy : Bismilla Rahmaney Raheem Sabse Pehle to Allahtaala ka Shukar. All of us are desperately waiting to drop your catches so that we can make you play longer. But you have to connect bat to ball to give catches.

Now that Ganguly's been banned for 6 matches, cricket fans and email servers across the country must be heaving a sigh of relief. Sardars too, since now they can reclaim their traditional role in email jokes which Ganguly had encroached upon as if it were a middle order slot.

So? Where does that leave The 'Baahar Aaja' of Kolkotta? I remember a time when Azhar faced similar flak. Azhar's response? A century of 74 balls against South Africa, including 5 consecutive fours in an over of debutante Kluesner. A knock of such disdain that all that we could say was, " Waah Azzu Bhai!Waah! Chindiya (hyderabadi for tatters) kar diye!"

But then with Azzu Bhai it was different, all his life his taqdeer
(destiny) has been meherbaan(favourable) on him. How else can you explain Sangeeta Bijlani falling for him?

Can Ganguly do something similar? Don't be silly. How can he marry Sangeeta Bijlani? I was talking about a century knock. I ( and I am sure the hordes of Ganguly bashers out there) would love nothing more than a repeat of his Salman Khan imitation, but this time for something that HE (Ganguly not Salman) has done.

But let's not talk miracles here, Ganguly is so hard on luck that even Mandira Bedi could get him out bowling left handed.

So? Where does he go from here? Tinseltown? a la Jadeja? If the script writers haven't been taking coffee breaks (yeh yeh maggi breaks too...) and actually managed to catch his exploits on the cricket pitch then the only roles that he will be playing would be that of the hero's highly expendable buddy who gets bumped of by the serial killer before u can even say "Hey that's Soura..."

My Great Idea:

Since Lady Luck refuses to smile upon him Jug Suraiyya should. And as he did with Bush's Dubyaman he should cast Ganguly as a comic super hero Gangu Lee who wins a World Cup Final for India against Pakistan. A match that Pakistan is winning very easily needing just 2 runs to win of the last six balls. And then Inzy comes into bat. And, you know, it's not actually Inzy but Ganguly in disguise. But let me not spoil the suspense for you by revealing the ending.

The comic series can be called 'Duck Tales'.

Did I mention that Gangu Lee has special powers that allow him to disappear in an instant especially from the batting crease.

PS: Just in case Gangu Lee becomes famous, remember you read it here first.

Unquote

2005-04-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

"The early worm gets eaten by the bird."

Death comes to Baghdad

2005-04-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

This is one of all time favourites from the surprise ending genre, the kind that O' Henry specialised in.
I first read this as 'Death Speaks' in Jeffrey Archer's 'To Cut a Long Story Short'. A little bit of Googling coughed up the information that there were many versions of this econcept over the centuries, but one of the earliest instances was in 'Tales of the Dervishes' by Idries Shah.

When Death Came to Baghdad

The disciple of a Sufi of Baghdad was sitting in the corner of an inn one day when he heard two figures talking. From what they said he realized that one of them was the Angel of Death.
"I have several calls to make in this city during the next three weeks," the Angel was saying to his companion.
Terrified, the disciple concealed himself until the two had left. Then applying his intelligence to the problem of how to cheat a possible call from death, he decided that if he kept away from Baghdad he should not be touched. From this reasoning it was but a short step to hiring the fastest horse available and spurring it night and day towards the distant town of Samarkand.
Meanwhile Death met the Sufi teacher and they talked about various people. "And where is your disciple so-and-so?" asked Death.
"He should be somewhere in this city, spending his time in contemplation, perhaps in a caravanserai," said the teacher.
"surprising," said the Angel; "because he is on my list. Yes, here it is: I have to collect him in four weeks' time at Samarkand, of all places."

A blogful of dollars

2005-04-11T03:47:00.000-07:00

Have to keep writing more often if I have to turn this into a moneyspinning enterprise. The ads that you see on top are ads by Google. As part of Google's AdSense program you can sign up to this service and allow Google to display contextual ads on your webpages. You get paid for every time that a user clicks on the ads.

'Click' 'Click'. That's the new sound of dollars.

So? What are you waiting for? Go ahead and excercise your index finger a little and contribute to a noble cause.

"Millionaires have selective amnesia...", said someone,"...they forget those who did not contribute to their affluence".

Did i hear 'Click' 'Click'?

No Man's Land...

2005-03-24T04:26:00.000-08:00

This happened a couple of weeks ago.

Four of us (Anurag, Sumedh, Ravi and yours truly) decided to go and have a dekko at Nicosia. Nicosia is the capital of Cyprus, a status it has enjoyed for more than a 1000 years. It now also endures an unfortunate distinction. After the unification of Berlin it is now Europe's only militarily divided city, split apart by the 'Green Line' - a 'Berlin Wall' of concrete and barbed wire.

In 1995 the Greek Cypriot national assembly voted unanimously to change the divided city's name to Lefkosia. Turkish Cypriots already referred to their half of the city as Lefkosha.

Nicosia is no great shakes as a tourist spot. There is the Liberty Monument and Archbishopric where we took the obligatory pics. These are the very kind of statues that, in India, do not get second looks only pigeon shit but over here compells us to stand in front and flash our pearly whites for the camera.

Once we had got the photos out of the way we still had a few hours left to kill so we decided to make a sortie of Northern Cyprus. Soon we were in the UN buffer zone, stuck in a long line of cars, cracking jokes about how the sinister looking soldier would soon be taking potshots at us with his rifle if we so much as dared to take a photograph. Mental scars from the partition of India and our love-hate relationship with Pakistan? Maybe. But then, isn't every other thing that goes wrong in India blamed on the partition, Gandhiji or Laloo Prasad Yadav.

While I was rambling about nostalgically back home, we had reached the end of the line. Here we find out that we cannot enter Northern Cyprus without our original passports. We just had copies with us. The originals where with the company for processing our work permits. And here we were, happy go lucky fellows who had set out on our evening walk and decided to just hop across a UN Buffer Zone, sinister looking soldier be damned.

"Sorry. Nothing doing", said the guy at immigration.

Soon we were coursing through the buffer zone headed back in the direction from which we came. Back to home sweet home.

But wait! What's this? Like a long forgotten aunt, the Greek Cyprus check post looms up ahead. A quick look at the others' faces told me that I wasn't the only one who had brilliantly concluded that we were in Deep Shit.

"Passport?" said the soldier at the check post.

To help matters this guy was much more sinister looking than the other fellow. Or maybe this is how Deep Shit affects you.

We took out the copies of our passport.

I do not know what looked more foolish, the looks on our faces or the pieces of paper that we were holding out to the soldier and this other guy who had turned up, maybe hoping for some much needed target practice.

Anyway the looks on the soldiers' faces meant only one thing. They needed explanations and fast.

They gave us a patient hearing. Then one of them asked us to park the car.

The greek word for 'ok' is 'dhaksi'. We said ,"ok".

Our car revs up a tad too much while we move to park the car.

The response was a thunderous yell that chilled our blood. Infact I was half expecting lightning to strike.

We parked the car. One of the soldiers makes a call and checks up on our car number.

After a few minutes of parakalo's (pleases) and dhaksi's he waved us away.

We returned home and lived happily ever after.

********************************

My apologies to those who were expecting a few shots fired and some blood spilled. Go watch a movie. I refuse to cater to your gladiatorial instincts.

Coming up next: Lefkosha

Daily Dose - Dilbert

2005-02-03T01:14:00.000-08:00

Daily Dose

2005-02-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

Dark Humour

2005-02-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

This is similar to something I'd posted earlier...but with a humorous touch...

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The
engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have
been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him." "Hi John. Say, what's with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor
said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
see if there's anything he can do for them." The
engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these
guys play at night?"

I like these funny takes on the inspirational stuff. The Chicken Slop for your Soul type of stuff sometimes gets on your nerves. They give you a feeling of deja moo - the feeling that you have heard this bullshit before.

The Blind Ambition bit was one of the good ones, but there are huge dollops of these idealistic muck out there in the world. The ones that come immediately to mind are the quotes, one-liners, proverbs, old jungle sayings...vagera vagera.
So the ones that rip apart these are the ones that tickle me most. I call them "unquotes" or...hmmm...lemme see...what about "fun- liners"...

Here's one...
We have all heard the weepy..
"I complained that i had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet."

now hear the full one...
"I complained that I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. After all he wouldn't be needing them"

Here are some more...

"God give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money."

"The easiest way to a man’s heart.....right through the chest with a sharp knife"

Breaking the Bloggerjam

2005-01-13T07:07:00.001-08:00

It's been ages since I signed up and my blog's been lying dormant since then. Well, now that I am in Limassol, Cyprus and stuck in looong...boooorrriiiinnnng training sessions, I thought why not resurrect my cyberspace presence.
So, here goes...

(that wasnt that tough was it?)

Driving on Indian Roads

2004-07-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

This hilarious article was written by an Expat from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad. Driving in India for the benefit of every Tom, Dick & Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival.

They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, & leave the results to your insurance company.

The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".

Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, & proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery & occasional fatality.

Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.

Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We blow horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance & bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads don't have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.

Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.

Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night,on the trunk roads.

During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an ex-pression of physical relief on a hot day.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene, oil & creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded & packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all.

Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels & makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol & travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of 3 passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning & proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you can't proceed in two directions at the same time. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash & fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water & drainage pipes for that residence & is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm & 11 am when the police have gone home & the citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate & related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!?

Business Ideas - Restaurant name

2004-06-23T01:54:00.000-07:00

Business Ideas - Creativity Pool: "I have an idea for a name for those eating establishments, it would be called 'I Don't Care.' This way, when you are with someone and you ask 'where do you want to eat?' and they say ' I Don't Care!' You have an answer.
The menu doesn't matter really, it is just a funny name!
Reward: If someone uses the idea, I would just like to be recognized as the creator of the name. I do not want anything other than recognition, except a free beer or two if you are serving it!"

Business Ideas - Eat my meal

2004-06-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

Business Ideas - Creativity Pool: "'Eat my Meal'-Agency

Do you know this embarrassing situation? You are sitting in a restaurant and having a good time, but suddenly you realize that the food on your plate is way too much! Even worse, your meal is so delicious that you wouldn't want to offend the cook by sending half of it back. So what can you do? That's where the 'Eat my Meal'-Agency comes into play. Just pick up the phone and dial their number - shortly after, one of their guys walks into the restaurant, sits down beside you and clears your plate with a smile. In the paid edition of this service, your rescuer might be a handsome looking man or woman with good manners and conversational skills, but I can also think of a free trial version where they send you a bunch of hungry students. :-)
Reward: I want to use this service for free, of course"

Idea - restrooms

2004-06-23T01:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever needed the restroom so badly? You run from store to store and they all tell you that it's out of order? Well I've been thinking that they should open a chain of restrooms similar to McDonalds where you can buy a yearly membership card and have access to hundreds of these rest areas spread out throughout the country. You would have access to showers, toilets, baby changing area, nursing area, vending machines that sell toiletries etc. It's about time something is done to accomodate these conveniences which happen to apply to every human being - what do you think?

Blind Ambition

2004-06-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

Charlie Boswell has always been one of my heroes. He has inspired me and thousands of others to rise above circumstances and live our true passion. Charlie was blinded during World War II while rescuing his friend from a tank that was under fire. He was a great athlete before his accident and in a testimony to his talent and determination he decided to try a brand new sport, a sport he never imagined playing, even with his eyesight . . . golf!

Through determination and a deep love for the game he became the National Blind Golf Champion! He won that honor 13 times. One of his heroes was the great golfer Ben Hogan, so it truly was an honor for Charlie to win the Ben Hogan Award in 1958.

Upon meeting Ben Hogan, Charlie was awestruck and stated that he had one wish and it was to have one round of golf with the great Ben Hogan.

Mr. Hogan agreed that playing a round together would be an honor for him as well, as he had heard about all of Charlie's accomplishments and truly admired his skills.

"Would you like to play for money, Mr. Hogan?" blurted out Charlie.

"I can't play you for money, it wouldn't be fair!" said Mr. Hogan.

"Aw, come on, Mr. Hogan...$1,000 per hole!"

"I can't, what would people think of me, taking advantage of you and your circumstance," replied the sighted golfer.

"Chicken, Mr. Hogan?"

"Okay," blurted a frustrated Hogan, "but I am going to play my best!"

"I wouldn't expect anything else," said the confident Boswell.

"You're on Mr. Boswell, you name the time and the place!"

A very self-assured Boswell responded "10 o'clock . . . tonight!"